Cheeseburgers With No Pickles
by faerierabbit
Summary: A very strange fic... written for Chrissy's challenge... r/r!


Disclaimer: Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, Harry, Sirius/Snuffles, the setting, and Every Flavor Beans belong to JKR. Chrissy, the PSMs, and the description of the flanky allcome from her. The flanky, all zippo and lightning bolt beans, the appearances of Tahlya, the storyline and plot all belong to me.   
  
Cheeseburgers With No Pickles  
  
Hermione and Ron make their way up the loooooong path to Sirius' cave at the edge of Hogsmeade.  
Hermione: Snuffles! Snuffles! Here, boy!  
A big black dog barks from inside.  
Ron: If he's inside the cave, how can we see if he's black?  
Tahlya(appears): Sssh! No one questions the author/narrator!  
Ron: Except me.  
Tahlya(very stern): Go inside now, or you'll never get to see the psychic space monkeys! They're leaving soon!  
Ron: What psychic space monkeys?  
Tahlya: The ones inside the cave, duh!  
Hermione: Oooh, I wanna see the monkeys!  
They run inside the cave. Tahlya wipes off imaginary sweat from her forehead and disappears.  
Hermione and Ron: OOOOH!  
There are three space monkeys crowding around a massive black dog. The psychic space monkeys(henceforth referred to collectively as "PSMs") are bright blue and are wearing slightly lighter blue space suits and those clear helmet thingys. The PSMs look up as they enter.  
PSM 1: Hi! I'm Spicky!  
PSM 2: Hi! I'm Two!  
PSM 3: Hi! I'm Too!  
Ron: But he just said he was Too.  
Hermione:, No, he said he was Two. He's Too. Don't you listen?  
Ron: No. I'm hungry.  
Sirius(suddenly morphing back to human form): So'm I. Got any food?  
Spicky: What is food?  
Ron: This.   
He pours a bag of Every Flavor Beans out onto the floor.  
PSMs: Oooh, food!  
They scramble for the blue ones.  
Two: Look, I got 10 zippos!  
Hermione: Zippos?  
Sirius: That's what they call anything blue. Zippo is very important. Anything blue is treasured where they come from.  
Ron: How do you know?  
Sirius: Dumbledore told me. He's getting his flanky to show them. Where's Harry?  
Hermione: He's getting us Butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks.  
Harry: No, I'm not. I'm trying to figure out what this is.  
Everyone turns to see Harry sitting on the floor holding a glaringly bright blue chicken.  
Chicken: I'm not a 'this'! I'm a flanky.  
Everyone except Sirius: A flanky?!?  
Sirius: Didn't I tell you about him?  
Everyone except Sirius and Too-who is currently eating all of the zippo beans-: Nooooo.  
Sirius(raises head and calls to the cave roof above): TAHLYA! Didn't I mention the flanky?  
Tahlya (appears sitting on a cloud with parchment in hand): Yep. 10 lines above. Hey Too! Toss me a grangen bean!  
Ron: Grangen?  
Tahlya: Green.  
Too tosses Tahlya a grangen bean. The flanky releases itself from Harry's grasp.  
Flanky: Where's Dumbledore? I'm sick of you talking about me without using my proper name!  
Ron: Yeah. Where IS Dumbledore? Is he even IN this fic?  
Tahlya: He has to be. Otherwise I don't meet Chrissy's rules for the challenge. As for where he is, ask the space monkeys.  
Ron: Why the space monkeys?  
Tahlya: Didn't I tell you they're psychic space monkeys? They will know. Toss me another bean, Too.  
Too tosses Tahlya another bean. Ron turns to the space monkeys.  
Ron: So where's Dumbledore?  
Hermione(pointing): Coming up the walk.  
Spicky: Hey! I'm supposed to say that!  
Hermione(very rudely and un-Hermione-ish): Nyah, nyah nyah nyah nyah!!!  
Spicky jumps on top of Hermione. The two roll around and around on the floor, knocking over Too's carefully arranged Order of Bean Eating arrangement.  
Too: Hey!  
The girl and PSM roll into Ron.  
Ron: Hey!!  
The two roll into Two.  
Two: Make them stop!  
Tahlya(who has been enjoying the fight): Oh, alright.  
Tahlya makes a boulder appear in their path.  
Hermione and Spicky: Hey!  
Spicky jumps up, grabbing Two and Too by the collars.  
Spicky: I've had enough! I'm going home!  
Two and Too: Hey!  
The PSMs beam(not bean) themselves home.  
Harry: What's the name of that flanky, Prof. Dumbledore?  
Dumbledore: Cheeseburgers With No Pickles!  
Cheeseburgers With No Pickles: That's me!  
Harry: Mmm, I could go for one of those!  
Cheeseburgers With No Pickles(nervously): What do you mean?  
Sirius: Makes me hungry just thinking about 'em.  
Cheeseburgers With No Pickles(frantic): No! I refuse to be eaten! Hermione, save me!  
Hermione runs back to Hogwarts to start the union S. P. F. W. B. N. (Society for the Protection of Flankies With Bad Names)  
Ron(drools excessively): Ohhh, man, now I'm really hungry!  
Harry(surprised): How do you two know about cheeseburgers? They're muggle foods!  
Ron: Never question the author/narrator!  
Tahlya(smug): YEAH!  
Dumbledore: Tahlya, as the ever wondrous, always creative, and very helping, author/narrator, could we kindly eat cheeseburgers with no pickles?  
Tahlya: Sure!  
Cheeseburgers With No Pickles faints dead away and is later thrown away by the Post-Fan-Fic-Story Sanitation Crew.  
Tahlya makes huge platter of cheeseburgers with no pickles appear. Tahlya(who happens to like pickles very much) eats all the pickles and the remaining beans. The four wizards devour the cheeseburgers with no pickles.  
  
Suddenly, Tahlya grabs a neon yellow bean and throws it at Dumbledore. It is a lightning bolt bean and Dumbledore instantly disappears in a flash of light.  
Chrissy(appears and falls upon the spot Dumbledore has disappears from): NOOOOOO!!!!!!  
Tahlya(laughs evilly): MWAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!  
Tahlya disappears in a flash of light and a roar of thunder. The three remaining wizards look up.  
Harry: Strange.  
Ron: Didn't know Tahlya had it in her.  
Sirius: Me neither.  
And they go back to eating their cheeseburgers with no pickles.  
THE END  
  



End file.
